Already Approved

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“Ashley, God is already pleased with you.”

That’s what I wrote in my journal one morning, as I wrestled with feelings of guilt for not meeting someone else’s expectations. Or maybe it was my preconceived thoughts of what I felt would be expected of me because I was always going along to get it along. But it kept ringing in my mind like an alarm. “God is already pleased with you.” Not because I didn’t already know God loves me. Not because I haven’t heard about approval, grace, and identity in Christ. But because I realized that even as a mature believer, I still wrestle with the need to make everyone happy.

I still feel the tension when I think on moments of going against the majority. I still feel that inner tug of war when I say no to something that others want me to say yes to. I still feel guilty when I protect my peace instead of being everything to everyone. I find myself carrying a burden of responsibility for other’s expectations… the internal conflict of making choices that disappoint others.

Have you ever been there? Feeling conflicted when your “no” or your silence doesn’t sit well with someone else? Feeling torn between obedience to God and the desire to keep others happy?

That back-and-forth inside our minds can wear us out. But here’s the truth God is gently teaching me: His approval is not up for negotiation. It isn’t earned by our performance or revoked by our boundaries.

The problem with People-pleasing.

Many of us have been conditioned by our upbringing, ministry culture, or trauma to equate yes with being good, kind, or even godly. We’ve become confused in what’s a sacrifice and what’s self-neglect. Along the way, we have gotten serving mixed up with striving.

When we live for the applause of people, we will always feel behind. Always trying to prove, please, and perform. But when we rest in the truth that God is already pleased with us through Jesus, we can walk in peace, even if others are disappointed.

You don’t have to carry the burden of everyone’s expectations. You are not a failure for saying no. You are not disobedient for protecting your peace. You are not falling short when you prioritize what God told you to do over what people expect you to do. That does not mean we stop loving people. But it does mean we stop handing them the pen to write our worth. It does not mean you stop showing up to handle your responsibilities, but it does mean stop allowing those responsibilities to define who you are when you aren’t capable of doing them. It does not mean cutting off everyone and not extending grace. But it does mean setting healthy boundaries that are communicated and offering the same grace to others that you may need one day.

God’s Pleasure Is Already Yours

God doesn’t love you more when you say yes to everyone. He doesn’t withdraw when you protect your peace. His approval is based on what Jesus already accomplished and that means you don’t have to hustle for what’s already yours.

And this truth challenges me every day. I still catch myself asking, “Did I let them down?” or “Should I have done more?” “Could I find a way to still do what they want instead of choosing to rest.”

Walking in Freedom

Maybe you’re like me. You want to love well. You want to help people. You want to show up fully. But somewhere along the line, you’ve started to believe that you’re only as valuable as what you do for others. When thoughts of resting and saying no when needed is met with anxiousness about others there is an issue that needs your attention. But I will tell you like the Holy Spirit so gently reminded me,

“Burnout is not a fruit of the Spirit.”

But you know what is a fruit of the Spirit: peace, joy, self-control, and patience. And when you think about it none of these are present when you live in a constant state of burn out. We must realize if God has called us to a period of rest and you choose to still work, hustle, and grind because we don’t want people disappointed with us, we are trying to constantly please others, then we are still out of order with God.

Let me remind you (and myself):

You are not responsible for how others feel about your obedience.

Your “no” doesn’t make you selfish.

Your boundaries don’t make you disobedient.

Your rest doesn’t make you lazy.

You may disappoint others, but you won’t disappoint God when you follow Him.

So breathe. Release the guilt. And walk in the confidence of someone who knows they are deeply loved and fully seen.

You’re already approved.

Cheers 🥂 to embracing freedom, peace, and a regulated nervous system. May sweet rest overshadow you.

Reflection Questions

1.     Whose approval are you most tempted to seek?

2.     Ask yourself am I doing this from love or fear of rejection or guilt?

3.     Do I need to lovingly reset expectations with someone who has gotten too used to my automatic yes.

4.     Where in your life do you feel guilty for saying no or setting a boundary?

5.     What would it look like to live from God’s approval instead of trying to earn it?

Takeaways

1.     You are already approved.

2.     God’s love does not change based on how much you do for others.

3.     People pleasing will never lead you to the peace you crave.

4.     Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

Prayer:

Father, thank you for reminding me that Your pleasure in me is not tied to what I do for others. Help me stop striving for validation You’ve already given me. Teach me to value my yes, to release the weight of others' expectation and to guard my peace. Give me courage to obey you even when it disappoints others and to say no when needed. Thank You for being pleased with me, even in rest, even when I say no, and even when others don’t understand. I want to live free, in your love, and for Your approval alone. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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• I’d love to hear from you. Do you struggle with people-pleasing? How is God helping you walk in freedom? Leave a comment below or share this post with someone who needs the reminder.

Until the next post, ✌🏾🙏🏾